I turned 21 today, and found myself living a life far less complicated from the one I led when I turned 20. A lot changed in a year. Most did because of me; what I realised, what I learned, what I had to let go of, and those I kept by my side. Every single little and not so little thing, everything.
I always like to reflect about these stuff on my birthday, it always helps to paint clearer pictures of how things have been, and it makes it easier to figure out what my next steps are.
So this year, I decided to make a list of I no longer’s…to keep track of those things I now realise–looking back–have indeed changed my life. A list of things I no longer feel, do, think I should do, and so on. So turing 21 made me realise…
I no longer feel stuck in life
I finally found a path, and one I love taking. I used to feel hungry for chasing my dreams, but felt like pieces from the puzzle were missing. As it turned out, not one piece was missing, they were just misplaced. I found a way to do what I love, and found people who loved it with me. I don’t think there’s anything else that can make a person feel quite like this than to experience change, and feel growth and happiness through it. For this, I’ll be eternally grateful to my 20th year, and the obstacles faced that brought me closer to realising what it is I want.
I no longer feel unsure of who I am
This year I’ve become more confident about myself. I’ve taken the wheel on projects that were always just subjects of my imagination, and part of my future-never-the-right-time-to-start list. Truth is I never started not because it wasn’t the right time, but because I was afraid of how the world would look at it. It took confidence for me to start, but once I did and allowed myself a chance, I never went back to being unsteady and uncertain. Everything we do, when done in confidence shines through, and gives us the power to never go back to doubting.
I no longer let the differences, make a difference
Not a negative one. I know we know we’re all different but despite our knowledge of this, people are always stressing over not fitting in. We live in a world full of people striving to adjust, to accept, and to find equality. Yet we hear stories of kids being bullied over everything–including things they can’t even control. Over a year ago, I would have maybe allowed myself to let the differences make a difference, and become a negative influence. I would have maybe allowed them to feed my uncertainty, but not this year. This year I feel like I have embraced all differences, and feel like I’ve been able to create something big because of them, and not at all despite them.
I no longer feel like I have to explain myself
Not really. Now that I sit and write about how I feel my life has changed over the past year, I can see all of the things I’m coming up with have to do with my confidence. Before I was really self-conscious–what a barrier. Achieving becomes easier when loosening up a little a bit. We think straighter and clearer. We become more certain about where we’re going and how we’re getting there; that happens to eliminate the having-to-explain part to people. It becomes your goal and it becomes so clear you just do it, and care no less for explanations and opinions.
I no longer get sad or mad when things don’t go my way
It happens. Things not always go as planned, regardless the effort we put in planning them. Don’t get frustrated. I’ve learned frustration triggers negativity, and prevents new ideas and solutions from getting to us. Sometimes the best we can do is accept a situation, and convince ourselves the outcome is not that bad, and then search for ways to diminish the damage as much as we possibly can.
I no longer feel like dreams are far along the road
Turning 21 means I’m getting older, and it means that every day is one day closer to arriving to that when I grow up part of my life. So I’m starting to feel like dreams are indeed not that far along the road. I feel in control, and am working hard to get closer to achieving them. Holding on to what I need, and letting go of what I must leave behind. I finally feel like I’m doing work that’ll help me get closer to my goals, and that is the best feeling in the world.
What will my 21st year bring? We’ll have to wait, live, laugh, love, work, and see!
Like reading posts like these? Here’s my Things to Remember in 2015 post!